I Wish You Sunshine

December 31, 2009

Happy 2010 Darlings !!


I think its been too long !



September 13, 2007






مبارك عليكم الشهر


و عساكم من عواده


Dearest God,

July 23, 2007

A follow up to my previous Dear God, post:

Disclaimer: This is not a mockery of my God.. This is the way we communicate.. We are close that way.. I’m no Joan of Arc.. But I sometimes like speaking my mind to others.. even God.. and if you can’t handle that I’m writing a letter to God or how I chose to express myself toward God.. then don’t read on… and no hate comments.. mo nagi9ny o maly khulg.. Just deal with it..

It’s been a while since I last wrote you.. Ironic actually.. coz I have no faith today.. I have no spirit.. I have no compassion or sensation of any sort.. I feel numb.. I feel empty.. hollow..

My chest hurts.. I have that sinking feeling right at the core of me.. I’m embracing the pain.. it’s strangely keeping me company.. I keep losing my breathe trying to hold back my tears, all choked up.. I keep gasping for air and my lungs are tired.. the pain is tickling me all through to the back of my lungs.. I can feel them expanding and it feels like I am compressing on a sore bruise with every inhale.. my shoulders are heavy.. my knees are weak.. my nails hurt.. yes my nails hurt..

How powerful you are.. you even make my tiny nails hurt when I am sad..

Sad.. is that what I am today ? I’m in such a blur.. how powerful you are to take him away.. yet you leave his memory to linger at my very existence with every day the past 2 years..

It’s been 2 years.. he woulda been 29 now.. young and full of life.. 2 years of waiting, waiting for what I don’t know.. maybe I was waiting for reality to sink in.. maybe I was waiting to forget.. mostly I think I was waiting for him to come back.. or to meet him in anyway possible.. no matter what the odds..

how powerful you are to make me hurt so much.. enough.. watching his last breath was more than enough.. my own flesh and blood.. the closest person to me.. my mentor and guild in this world since the day I was born.. you took away my brother.. you took away a huge part of.. can’t you see how hollow I am.. I beg you enough.. let me be..

I miss him..

so much..

a day never passes without the thought of him..

My eyes are sore.. my voice is hurt.. Curse’d this week curse’d this week.. I hate it.. I hate it !!